Matching Monday: Dating!

Being the total champion professional that I am about dating, I agreed to once again participate in the topic my blogmates Cortney and Katie picked for our Monday blog conglomerate. (Which Katie so aptly decided to name Matching Monday.) With encouragement from Cort and Katie, I have figured out my angle.

I consider myself somewhat of a mother of the household, or maybe like a sad/weird spinster aunt that a family just has to allow to live in the house because they feel sorry for her. (See: Jane Austen. Susan B. Anthony. Emily & Anne Bronte. Emily Dickinson.) I just have never really been the dating type, so I've always been on the periphery, observing, creeping, and storing away information for my future use. (Now, you may be saying, "but Hilary, you're dating someone now," but consider this irrelevant at the moment.) As my roommates and friends go off on dates, I stay at home. But really, I've become okay with this. I was okay with it before I started dating Kurt, but now I'm just relieved I have a reason to stay in the house and not date. Here are some things I have learned from observing my beautiful, dateable, personable friends through the years:

1. You should be happy in a relationship. Don't date someone because you feel obligated! Learn to tell Man NO. Don't pity date. It just makes you and Man feel unhappy and uncomfortable and the poor guy feels worthless. Telling the truth might hit him hard, but in the long run, it'll be good for you and him.

2. Relationships need to be healthily balanced into your priorities. When you date a man, he does not automatically become the center of your universe. One should maintain a balance, cultivating other relationships with friends (especially those whom you've had longer than you've known Man) and family (whom you've known longer than anybody). Do not place relationship with Man higher than especially schoolwork, sleep, eating, and sanity. Your physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual well-being will affect you a lot longer than Man may.

3. It doesn't matter what you say or do, just that you're together. Obviously good conversation and appropriate activities are important, too, but I think being comfortable with someone in silence is good. You don't have to prove your genius or be worried about what you'll say next when you're in a good relationship. You can say nothing or anything at all, and it'll all be good.

4. You do not need a Man to be awesome. I know everyone says this. But seriously, girls, YOU ARE TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I knew girls in high school that always had to be in a relationship. I felt this same way at different points in my life, but if you focus on other things, such as making yourself better, your testimony, your schoolwork, etc., you will learn to love yourself. And when you love yourself, how can a guy keep from loving you, too?!

5. Be willing to sacrifice for each other. If he does all the sacrificing, one day he's going to explode all over you. Relationships are two-sided (not counting the Lord, of course), and need input and work and cultivation and love from both parties involved. Show your commitment and care by compromising with him even when you'd rather have your way. A really sweet guy will want to do everything and anything for you, but really. Doing absolutely everything gets old after a while.

6. Don't feel inferior if you are not being asked on dates. Boys are shy. (See: Kurt.) And don't like to plan. (See: Kristian.) And are lazy. (See: Boys.) And some just don't understand girl auras, but don't let that get you down. Heavenly Father loves you just the same if you are with a boy or not. I survived 19 years of not being asked on a single date (and I guess I never still have *technically* been asked on one, bahaha). Just enjoy being around guys and having guy friends. If you feel comfortable asking a boy out, I say go for it! Show them boys who's boss!

I know everyone's heard this all before, but really, gals; I love you, your family loves you, and most importantly, Heavenly Father loves you. When you find someone you can love and respect and be attracted to and who makes you want to be better, stick with him. Dating seems hard, especially with all the accompanying stigma courtesy of BYU, but I promise you, a smart, handsome, perfect-for-you Man will come your way some day. Don't let him pass you by because you're moping or settling for less or angry with life. He will love you!!

(Ok sorry, that was pretty soap-boxy and mother-like. Hope no one's rolling their eyes or gagging or gnashing their teeth or anything. I'm done.)