Why Have I Kept From Singing?

When I was home for the holidays I downloaded all of Enya's music onto my laptop. I have loved listening to her since my parents played her for us when we were babies, but I hadn't taken the time to take Enya with me to school yet. While I was listening to her albums the other day I heard this song, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" I had heard of the song before, but never actually listened to it (that I can recall). Coincidentally, this song was also the one I tried to help Megan and her friend Ben rehearse for their ward choir last night. When it came on again on my iPod tonight, I finally stopped to listen to the words.

My life goes on in endless song
Above earth's lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear it's music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness 'round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth.

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?

I was just talking yesterday about how I haven't really sung or nurtured my talents a lot since high school, and I can tell that my skills have definitely deteriorated. So why have I kept from singing? I have so many blessings and things and people to love and be thankful for.

So I resolve, even if it's just singing to myself in the shower or while I'm doing the dishes or cleaning my room, to return to singing. I can remember how joyful it made me feel, and I want to return to that.

Studies

This semester I decided I needed a structured study of the scriptures to help me learn more than just reading an Ensign article every night before I went to bed. I didn't want to add a Religion class, so I ordered the Book of Mormon student manual from lds.org (which, fun fact, was cheaper new and shipped to me than used in the Bookstore, but that's not the point). What's awesome is that the day after I ordered the manual, our bishop told our whole ward to read the Book of Mormon. I smiled and in my mind said, I'm already on it.

I just started yesterday, so I'm not far in, but one thing tonight caught my eye. In President Ezra Taft Benson's The Book of Mormon--Keystone of Our Religion talk in 1986, he said:

A second powerful testimony to the importance of the Book of Mormon is to note where the Lord placed its coming forth in the timetable of the unfolding Restoration. The only thing that preceded it was the First Vision. In that marvelous manifestation, the Prophet Joseph Smith learned the true nature of God and that God had a work for him to do. The coming forth of the Book of Mormon was the next thing to follow.

Think of that in terms of what it implies. The coming forth of the Book of Mormon preceded the restoration of the priesthood. It was published just a few days before the Church was organized. The Saints were given the Book of Mormon to read before they were given the revelations outlining such great doctrines as the three degrees of glory, celestial marriage, or work for the dead. It came before priesthood quorums and Church organization. Doesn’t this tell us something about how the Lord views this sacred work?

I knew the Book of Mormon was important, but I never fleshed it out in my mind that this book was almost the most important thing Heavenly Father wanted and needed to reveal to us. More important than organizing the Church or restoring the priesthood or any of the things I think of today as big doctrinal essentials. He wanted to get us the Book of Mormon as fast as he could because He knew the impact it could have to lead us to those other great and important things.

This reminded me of a story I overheard my sister Megan and her friend David talking a couple weeks ago. David was sharing about a family vacation spot that the same group of families had visited for over four generations. The man who owned the lake (or wherever it was), who wasn't a member, observed that those predominantly LDS families that always came together over the years could be divided into three groups: those that centered their lives on their family, on the Church, or on Christ. The man noticed that the families who centered their lives on Christ were the most likely to stay together and active in the Church.

Both of these experiences just remind me to get back to the basics. Yes, I love my family, and yes, I love the Church, but do I love Christ? Do I enjoy opening up His scriptures to learn of Him? That's one of my goals this year, to learn more about Christ through His scriptures and come to a firm knowledge that I do know and love Him.

The Power of Positive Thinking

For this week and next Tuesday half of my teaching class is gracing the halls of Scera Park Elementary School in Orem, and I am helping Mrs. Culliman's fourth grade class for three hours every day.

Today I was in charge of supervising the class's PE (which apparently there is no separate teacher for) while Mrs. Culliman received the guest speaker for the afternoon (he was from NASA, which is a different awesome story). They were playing a version of Capture the Flag and were getting very into it (as I am sure most fourth graders would). Side B finally scored, although the culprit had been tagged by a fellow from Side A before he crossed into safe territory. When Side A fellow (let's call him Justin, because I really haven't learned everyone's name yet, but he looks like my friend Justin) yelled that he had tagged Side B man (whose name I do know, but I still think he looks like this kid Brett from when I subbed at Tussing last summer), everyone (especially from Side B) wailed that only two-handed touches got people out. Justin went over to the corner and started to cry, and after I started the next round, I went over to him.

I feel that comforting children is a little hit or miss. In my experience, they either believe you and immediately get over it or ignore you. I really didn't think this was going to work very well, especially since I didn't even know Justin's real name, but I tried to let him know it wasn't his fault and he still did a really good job of tagging Brett. (I have also found this week that when I take the blame for things that go wrong, the kids get less angry.) I told him it was my fault for not letting everyone know that only a two-handed touch got people out, and said I would announce it to everyone so that wouldn't happen again.

I thought about taking the approach that this was just a game, and the next time they played it everyone would start out equal again, but obviously this "just a game" mattered to Justin. So I tried to pep him up and said that his team really needed him to make up that point to tie the game, and they couldn't get a point without him. I asked him to get back up and play when he was ready.

And guess what? That little dude totally scored the next point. I couldn't believe it. I didn't really believe he would take what I said so seriously, but the smile on Justin's face after he ran into the safety zone was incredible. (Of course there was the inevitable "I tagged him already!", "That's not fair!", "He cheated!" chants from the opposing side, but there was no way I was going to dismiss that point Justin had earned.)

What a testament to the power of positive thinking. I didn't really believe what I said myself, but the important thing is that Justin believed it, and he put it into action. I know it's typical for children to change moods quickly, but seriously, he just turned that failure right around into something game-changing. I was honored to give him a high-five as we headed back to class. If only I could believe those positive things I tell myself and others as easily as Justin did!

Lesson 1

My Responses After Teaching My First Lesson to my Intro to Education Class:

- Did I really claim that was a lesson?
- Why didn't I say anything I wanted to say?
- How did words actually come out of my mouth to form complete sentences?
- How did they really understand anything I said?
- I do NOT want to watch this on video.
- What just happened?


In better news, my boss just talked to me about becoming a supervisor on my shift! We'll see how things develop.

One One One One

Every New Year's Eve I write a journal entry, no matter how lackadaisical I've been about them in the past year. (Even this year, when I've been a super slug.) I usually write them into the same journal, but this year I will grace the internet with my annual thoughts instead.

I feel as if this year is the first one I have actually looked back on my past self with an objective eye. I've realized many things I've done aren't that great, but some aren't that bad. I've said in recent years that I feel grown up or old for the first time, but this year I truly feel like I grew up. That maybe I deserve to be named a year older. Even though I didn't take many new steps, I think looking back on my old steps has taught me new things.

I want to make 2011 my own year, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to do that yet. I want to be the leading lady in my own life instead of the best friend (thanks, The Holiday). I want to act instead of react, and stick with my decisions. Let's hope I can gather the gumption before 2011 gets too far along.