O Ye of Little Faith

I have always hated proctoring in the main testing room (the "big room") at the Testing Center. I avoid it if at all possible. I happily sign up to proctor the Music Room and stamp the incoming tests for the day, but secretly hope no one will notice the absence of my name in the Big Room column. I just feel like I am such a bad proctor; I never catch anyone doing anything bad, I can never find out whose cellphone went off, and I can't muster up the courage to confront anyone about a questionable circumstance.

But today, the Big Room was unavoidable. When we opened at 10, no one had signed up to proctor, so Katie, our supervisor, was calling people out and asking them to go proctor. How can one say no to the supervisor? My sneaking around, "forgetting" to sign the board had failed.

So I walk into the testing room. Within 5 minutes I find a guy who's using scratch paper from yesterday. Though it didn't seem he was cheating, I thought I was pretty awesome for catching it. Then, 5 minutes later, I spot a guy get up from a seat and go find another seat. Fishy by definition. The guy is looking pretty intensely at the girl next to him's test as he took the new seat, so I casually walk over between them and lo and behold, they are taking the same test. A religion one, no less.

As I walk back trying to get a good angle to see where dude man is looking (his baseball hat hides a lot), another student stops me and says, "I've got a better view of that one." As it was apparent he did, and it would be hard for me to maneuver into seeing him better, I asked the guy to tell me if he saw anything. "I'm saying, I've already seen it." Um, could this cheat-catching be any more easy for me?

I go back to the front, talk to the supervisor, and we send in another employee to see the boy cheating. "By the mouth of two or more witnesses shall the truth be made known"... even at the Testing Center, yo. The other employee was in there for max 30 seconds and then came back out, claiming it was the most obvious thing he's ever seen. Since I'm wearing the nametag, it's my job to go in there and gather the guy's test materials and escort him to the supervisor. I always pictured myself being so scared and nervous in confronting someone like that... but I guess because everyone knew what he was doing, especially himself, I wasn't worried.

After cheat-man was in the custody (that makes it sound like such a bad crime, hahaha) of Katie, I went back into the Big Room to conclude my proctoring shift. Let me tell you, I felt like the biggest, best proctor that ever lived. I felt like Master Champion Cheater-Catcher (even though I didn't really do anything. And then, as icing on the cake, someone's cellphone went off not 5 minutes later... and I was standing one row over from her. I have *never* been able to tell who the cellphone culprit was. This was fate.

So I don't know why Heavenly Father felt the need to boost my Testing-Center-self-esteem, but I'm glad He did. Today at work was one of the best days I can remember working there, and I've realized it's all in the attitude. I was so much more positive and happy after feeling confident I was doing good at my job. Thanks for such a great lesson, Father.

P.S. As like, icing on top of the icing on the cake, Katie said my report I filled out on the incident was so good, and it read like a story. Score one for writing skills.

What is This Great Thing Called Television

So, I have gained a reputation amongst my roommates for being the TV-watcher of the family. I am ok with this, because I know I watch a lot of TV. I like TV. I like watching my shows. I find nothing wrong with this, as I also keep up with my homework.

But TV sucks you in. I find myself debating which show would be the lesser of two borings to watch when I just have nothing else to do (or can't find the motivation to do anything else). I find myself watching shows I don't really need to watch. (Well, do I really need to watch anything? I suppose not.)

What also exacerbates my new disease is that our internet is the worst in the world (well, maybe I shouldn't make it even more angry at me) and is super slow and we can't watch any shows on it (or even listen to playlist.com anymore... yes, my life is much less musical now). So is this bad? I'm keeping up in class. I'm getting my homework done. So is watching a few unnecessary episodes of things like Ultimate Cake-Off and Say Yes to the Dress and Law and Order and Glee and King of Queens so bad?

Ok, probably.

Halloween

Halloween '07 - Yes, I'm pretty sure that's the face Little Red Riding Hood would make if she had to pose with someone who looked like that.



Halloween Night '08 - Mostly a night of taking pictures. =)



Halloween Party '08 - Trying to get a cape-flying-in-the-breeze shot. Bahaha.

I'm excited. =)

Remember Who You Are

These words spoken to Simba in The Lion King always just sailed right over my head. Whenever, in movies or in conversation, people always talked about "finding themselves", I just didn't know what that meant. I still don't know. Do I not know who I am? How does one for sure know oneself? Must you know your purpose in life, or what you will do in every possible situation, or just what you like? Why do you often have to Ieave your home or your place of comfort to find out who you really are?

I guess, in a broader sense, this applies to us as children of God. We are here to "find ourselves" on Earth. To find how we act with our agency and not in close proximity to our Father. To find what kind of people we act like and what we will do in our free time and what we think about when we can choose to think about anything at all. We can choose to act like our Father's children, or not.

With these things applied to our Earthly life with our parents, and how I suppose one often "finds oneself" at college, how am I defined? Do I like acting who I act like, or am I ashamed of finding their characteristics in me? Am I willing to be defined by what I do in my free time? Am I ashamed of what I think about when I am alone and responsibility-free? Would God be ashamed to claim me as his Child?

Who Am I?

Supercentenarian

I finally received my first Newsweek here at my new address, but the story that really caught my attention was the backstory on why women typically live longer than men. What I thought was interesting:

- Testosterone increases levels of bad cholesterol (LDL) and decreases good cholesterol (HDL). Estrogen does just the opposite.

- Men more commonly suffer from fatal conditions like cancer and heart disease while women more likely suffer from chronic nonfatal conditions like arthritis, osteoporosis, and autoimmune disorders.

So I asked Kurt what would happen since he will probably die first, and this is scary to me. He tried to comfort me by saying we could die at the same time from a carbon monoxide leak, but I told him that was silly and highly improbable. I don't want to live by myself until I'm super old after he dies. (68 of the 72 known "supercentenarians" are female.) I also read once that boys' hearts beat faster (which I have tested and found to be true, at least with Kurt, haha), so they run out quicker. Why is this?

I know there's no way you can know when someone will die, there are far too many contributing factors. But we plan on not living in a gangster town or owning a gun or committing suicide, so maybe that will help? I want to live a good, long life with my husband.

The Audacity of Hope

Obama wrote a book with the title of this post, but alas, I have not read it (although it is sitting on my bedside shelves). But seeing it often has started me thinking... is hoping audacious?

audacious (adj.) - intrepidly daring, recklessly bold; marked by originality and verve

I hope. Today, I hoped that my professor will be compassionate and let me make-up my quiz. I hope that our FHE tonight will be fun. I hope that Kurt and I will last. Is hoping foolish? Is hoping something nobody else does? Is hoping painful? Is hope good or bad?

I always thought you should hope. Sometimes what you hope for doesn't happen, but doesn't hope make you feel happy inside? You're looking forward to something. You can imagine the outcome. You're believing in the best in people.

Which maybe is why Obama said it was audacious. In the world today, I can see that people don't believe in the goodness of humanity anymore. That maybe people are born evil, with no good or righteous tendencies. I'm better than everyone else, or I can only trust myself, so I'll treat everyone around me like crap. Maybe it's harder to believe that people are good. It takes work. It's easy to hate everyone around you; but to believe in people, to hope in their goodness and Christlike gifts; that's hard, especially when they themselves don't.

I'd like to keep daring. I'd like to keep being intrepid. If I must be bold, let me do it when I hope. Because I think the happiness of hope outweighs any feelings of failure.

So I feel it's about time to blog about Kurt. Kurt, who came to visit me the weekend before I left for school. Kurt, who is perfectly lovely. Kurt, my boyfriend.

We realized we both liked each other over the weekend he visited, and from then on... you know. We tried to hide it from my parents (pretty spectacularly, too, I might add) because I thought they would not like it, seeing as he was staying at my house and we were alone at home for much of the day and up late at night. Obviously, we didn't do anything bad, but I just told my mom today that we were dating. She laughed at me, because she thought we had hidden it so well. So yes, Kurt and I have ninja skills.

But honestly, I couldn't be happier. Every night over the phone we read a chapter of the book we were reading together when we first held hands. At my house my Mom kept commenting on how we liked and didn't like all the same foods, and when we talk we think exactly the same thing. We have so much fun together. He's planning on coming to visit me here, hopefully twice before he leaves for his mission, which we're assuming will be in late November or December.

I can't wait. =)

I'm a Creeper.

I admit it.

I'm the one who goes back and reads your whole wall conversations with someone else because you said something interesting.
I'm the one who secretly reads your blog and loves it, but never comments.
I'm the one who knows what you're doing but is fulfilled in simply knowing and not doing anything about it.

I'm nosy. I'm curious. And I want to know how you are faring. So, please excuse my creeper tendencies?

Things I Am Thankful For (A Short Excerpt)

- Target's dollar section
- my black high-heel shoes from Walmart
- Primary kids
- student loans
- Walgreen's photo developing
- rubber duckies
- sunglasses
- bathrobes
- friends who work at the library
- texting
- book recommendations
- sisters
- contacts
- mail
- BYU
- baguettes
- ponytail holders
- fleece
- the John Charles Salon
- USA network
- GarageBand

It's Not Easy Never Being #1

What is the point where it's ok to complain, because it's really not fair? Where does the line of selfishness end and equality begin? At what time is it ok for me to stand up and defend myself to you?

Because I've not been number 1 for a while. And in general, I'm ok with that. I know your priorities. I've known them for years. I know that what I am supposed to be doing with you will never be your top priority, but once in a while I wish you would let me take a vacation in first place for a day. When was the last time you actually did something with me? When was the last time you didn't back out because one of your higher priorities called for you? It's not like I'm needy; I don't call you everyday and whine about not seeing you or hearing from you. But please keep in mind, it's been a while since I saw you. We used to be best friends. I'd like to hang out with you again. I do not require constant visits and texts and facebook messages to keep my self-esteem up, but once in a while, if you kept a commitment to me, it would be nice. I wish you could spare a few hours of your summer for me.