Look Where We Are Now

This time last year, the worst birthday of my life was about to commence. I am so glad I stayed awake in those wee hours of the morning to write everything down in my journal from that night (a whole 15 pages full of tears, question marks, angry capital letters, and relatively very few smiley faces). Although most of it's just funny to read through now, I can remember how low and hurt I felt.

What made me really think about then and now was when Claire handed me a platter of beautiful homemade chocolate chip cookies drizzled in chocolate and each topped with an "H" at church today. Last year, when I arrived home after 1AM from the cast party of doom, cookies like these were waiting on our porch. Those cookies, and a phone call from Claire's mom (then my seminary teacher) about how much they loved the play and to wish me a happy birthday made me burst into fresh tears. When people are so nice after other people are so mean, the juxtaposition just does wonders on my tear glands.

This is the first year that I really feel like I have moved somewhere; that I have become someone different since my last birthday. Returning home after my first year at the Y makes me feel so much older than everyone I left behind; I thought all was going to be the same.

I'm glad some things aren't the same... the people I felt hurt me last birthday are this birthday once again some of my best friends. The things I felt drudged down in last birthday were catalysts for turning points in my life I can now look back on with a smile. The depths of despair I felt last birthday have provided the opposition for me to today appreciate the heights of my blessings and joys. I wouldn't be who I am today without that one day I turned 18. Though, here's to a hopefully less painful 19!