The Me's I Could Have Been

Sometimes I wonder how the "History Teacher" Me won-out. I don't remember a gigantic earth-shaking moment when I just *knew* being a teacher was my destiny. There's lots of things I think I could enjoy as a career instead. I don't think that diminishes the choice I did make to become a teacher, it just sheds light on more facets of my character.

I remember when I was younger I would read stories about outstanding young people that were super smart, or an Olympic athlete, or climbing Mount Everest when they were 10. I remember being anxious because I was running out of time to be special for being young and doing something amazing. Soon whatever I did wouldn't be extraordinary anymore; it'd just be within the norm. I never became a famous author or actress before I was 12, but I did plant the seeds of many of my most favorite parts of me during those years.

Author - This was the first career I remember desiring. I realized it probably wasn't the most viable after I started dozens of stories but got so tired I couldn't get to my great climatic idea fast enough that I gave up after a few pages.

Dancer - This is one concept I haven't thought seriously about in some time, but when I was growing up I danced all the time. I took several types of dance classes like jazz, tap, ballet, and gymnastics over 10 years. I still love dancing after all this time, but I quit the classes because we weren't learning anything new -- just rearranging old steps into new dances, and it got boring. I knew I was good, partly because I picked up on new things quickly, but I didn't put in the practice here I would have needed to be great.

Actress - I'm still not sure how this part of me came into being. My freshman year of high school, I remember walking by the posters for the Spring Musical and feeling an instant wave of fear. But by the next year, I insisted that I wanted to do community theater, and I started auditioning for all musicals and plays at school. It was glorious once I got into it!

Musician - There was a time that I was very into playing music; I was extremely involved in band, took a Music Theory class, and had even taken a lesson or two on multiple instruments. I knew I was good, but I also knew I also wasn't spectacular -- I didn't have the drive to practice like I needed. I was content with my natural skill and didn't push myself further. I did always think it would be amazingly awesome to be a player on movie soundtracks, though.

Photographer - For a while I was very into photography and tried to take "artsy" photographs of everything. Then everybody was into photography, and now the whole world is into photography thanks to instagram, so it seemed uncool to pretend I was really amazing at it. I even jobshadowed a photographer in high school.

Journalist/Magazine Writer - This was something I never considered until entering Journalism class my Junior year of high school. (I only chose it over Yearbook because everyone knew the Yearbook staff was kindof snobby... and you had to walk across the street to get to their class.) I ended up absolutely loving it, especially designing layouts. I got pretty adept at Adobe Indesign, and I remember working on a layout and the rest of the staff standing behind me saying it was awesome. They entered one of them into a contest.... hmmm, I never heard anything else about that contest, now that I think about it.

Personal Assistant - I never considered this career until a friend in Advertising commented that I would make a good one, because I often can anticipate people's needs and fill them ahead of time. I call it good Mom skills. Friends have also told me that I can word things very tactfully, and would often come to me to ask an authority figure for something. (This seems to be a skill that turns itself on and off... because I know I am definitely not always tactful.) I can also write very professional letters. One time for a club in high school, I wrote a letter to a business asking for a monetary contribution, and one teacher made me bring it to her to check before I sent it out. She read it over expecting it to be awful and was like, "... Oh. That looks good."

Full-time Blogger/DIY Maven - This is more of a pipe dream, since obviously I cannot write blog posts regularly to save my life. But I like the idea of being a stay-at-home mom and using that time to have a regular outlet for my creative side. I like the idea of being connected to other women and feeling that I could help or inspire them in some way. I wish I had more qualifications to become an awesome blogger in some area of design or crafts. (Secret: I don't consider myself creative, just a great piggy-backer! I borrow ideas I see and just tweak them a little.)

I guess the "teacher me" developed in the background of all the years of trying on those other personas. From elementary school teachers would ask me to lead other students or help them one-on-one. I always enjoyed learning and creating, and somehow in high school I just knew I wanted to be a teacher.

In many of my teaching interviews, people have asked me why I wanted to be a history teacher specifically. I have come up with several answers to that question, but none of them really seemed to resonate with me. Over the past year I have reflected on that dilemma, and have come to the conclusion that it is not necessarily history itself that I love; it is teaching. History is something I feel comfortable with, but feels somewhat like only a vehicle for my real passion. At first, I felt bad for that, feeling like I wasn't dedicated enough to history itself to teach students well. But I have found that my passion for teaching picks up the slack in my passion for history, so hopefully it translates into something great for students. Instead of looking at this revelation as a hindrance, I have come to view it as an open door to feeling successful at whatever teaching opportunities may come to me in the future, either in my family, church, or community.

Looking back on these pieces of me makes me somewhat disappointed in myself for never working hard enough at any of those things to be really good, but then I consider the work I've done to become a good teacher, and I feel like I have accomplished something with hard work in my life after all. (With much more hard work to come!)

Psychological Health is Good to Feel

First post in a long time, I know, I know. Not sayin I'm gonna be posting regularly (dad), but I'm ready to start thinking in blog posts again.

This post is named such because last semester, I wasn't in the best psychological health. Not that I had a disease or real disorder, I was just not happy. No one to blame for that but myself, really, because it's my brain and I'm the one that thinks the stuff in it. And for some reason, last semester I was really negative. BUT, I'm happy to report, my brain now is happy and rejuvenated and completely satisfied with life. I think I've come out of this experience knowing myself a little better and am decided that I will choose how to act instead of choosing to be acted upon.

Life is in my hands, and I say it will be wonderful. Hallelujah for a new semester, a new start, and a new attitude!

Need a Hopeless Romantic?

I have always secretly wondered what being a hopeless romantic meant. I thought it meant just that when you watch movies, you root for the couple that seems they'll never get together. I don't know if a hopeless romantic is what I am, but I do know this: I love love.

Need someone to hear your giddy ramblings about the best date ever you just went on? I'm your girl. Need someone to boast to about all your wedding preparations and plans? I'll be there. Need someone to root for you every step of the way and get almost as excited as you do? Look no further. Maybe it's just because I like happy, and I adore how love makes people so happy and giggly (ok, girls at least), but I think I love love. I love how it makes you feel all warm and sparkly inside, and how you always want to be smiling but you're afraid your face will hurt. I love how it makes you think positive thoughts every waking moment, and it fills your whole self with hope.

So... you should try it. (Hey, if you need a support group, wing(wo)man, or just an attentive listener, you know where to find me!)

Wake Up

Usually about this far into my liking someone, I would be getting frustrated that they were not showing a certain level of interest back at me, and would eventually get tired enough (supplemented by other reasons) that I would fall out of like. But for some reason, I feel like this time, I’m calm. I know that he and I will work out whatever way the Lord has planned… whether it be great friends or mortal enemies (haha, I hope not) or something else, I don’t know, but I do know that all will be right in the Lord’s time. When I think about my friends and family who are or will be waiting for missionaries to return, I couldn’t imagine living through that… 2 years is such a long time! But again, I feel like the Lord’s timetable will be sufficient. A mission is the right thing to do. 2 years of effort now will sow great seeds for the future.

Perhaps this is all just a part of a slightly different philosophy I’ve been gifted lately. I think it literally happened that one day I woke up, and I was happy. For the past few weeks I have had a great time and striven to keep a smile on my face and annoyance out of my voice and attitude. I think I have been truly happy, and I hope that the people I’ve been around lately have picked up on that. Thinking now, it’s even harder for me to imagine being depressed and self-piteous and gloomy all the time. Why would I ever be so down when being happy is so beautiful? I wish I could show everyone how nice it is to be the happy version of yourself… but then again, I didn’t do anything spectacular; all I did was wake up.