I Wish... More Than Anything...

Ok, so the title of this started off as something about "I Miss...", but that reminded me of the song with "I Wish" from Into the Woods, so... but it's really going to be about I Miss. From band.... because I was talking about marching band with Rebecca tonight, and one of my friends from home just wrote a great Facebook note about missing guard. So....

I. I miss that feeling you get after a long day, when Flohre finally says, "Go home" and you can stop standing up straight and squinting into the sun. Somehow it seems less hot and sticky after he dismisses us.

II. I miss bumming around on the field after practice, somehow not being able to leave the field until everyone else has gone...

III. I miss being picked up half an hour after practice has officially ended and still thinking that that wasn't enough time to say bye to everyone and finish up.

IV. I miss sitting in Flohre's office before every competition and making a list of all the couples we thought would get together over the trip.

V. I miss our overnight trip to JMU for Parade of Champions, and all our traditions, like me wearing my marshmallow jacket and us getting a big pizza to share and then Kyle & Greg throwing the pizza crusts over the fence and me complaining that they were littering and us getting into a big discussion about whether leaving food on the ground was considered littering because it would decompose or animals would eat it.

VI. I miss not feeling bad for being dirty and disgusting and sweaty and gross. Of course I wanted to get clean, but it was nice not to feel bad, since that's what you were supposed to be after a long day.

VII. I miss making fun of the sousaphone boys, and Mark with his shopping cart and grill.

VIII. I miss recognizing places on long car trips because I've passed it for the past 5 years for a band competition.

IX. I miss the freshmen & sophomore boys that thought they were so funny.... (I usually thought they were.)

X. I miss pretending to sleep, but knowing that I would never get to with all the noise on the bus.

XI. I miss being able to be loud and talk a lot, on the buses and on the field, and not being caught or having it blamed on someone else.

XII. I miss everyone thinking I was the coolest thing since sliced bread for thinking of the name, "Chevron" for one of our sets. It didn't really take that many brain cells...

XIII. I miss having to carry on conversations between moves, and thus having to pause every 20 or so seconds until we did the move and ran back to continue it.

XIV. I miss the people who tried to carry on conversations without pausing, hence while we were running the sets.

XV. I miss getting out of "Celebration", AKA push-ups.

XVI. I miss wearing sunglasses so often I forgot the world was so bright.

XVII. I miss laughing at everyone else's awful sunburns.

XVIII. I miss being a part of the Cool People Roll Up Their Sleeves Club.

XIX. I miss doing nothing during tuba sectionals, but still beasting everyone else during sectional competitions.

XX. I miss waking up early early in the morning and smelling that marching band smell in the air.

XXI. I miss riding into Colonial Heights on the bus at night and getting that marching band feeling.

XXII. I miss being able to hug people while I was sweaty and gross, and it was ok.

XXIII. I miss getting special privileges because we were sousaphone players, and awesome.

XXIV. I miss being a bus captain and getting to yell at people when I needed to (sometimes yelling can be fun... and since I didn't do it often, everybody did what I said when I did. Ha.)

XXV. I miss Kyle and I motioning and carrying on conversations during practice, even though he was on the drum major podium and it was kind of obvious.

Suffocation? Oh, Please.

I facebook chatted my best friend from home today just for fun, and while we were talking, he was like, "I was just going to text you today but I didn't want to bother you or anything. I'm worried about suffocating you all the time or something." HELLO.... I'm open to suffocation. I'm a fan. If I was to die, I'd want suffocation to be my way to go.

Ok, not really, but I'll take stuff from home anytime. Ok, of course I don't prefer the crap, but I'm the kind of person who really just wants to know what's going on. Hearing things from my friends at home gives me those fuzzies inside that my hole at home didn't just heal right up in time for school to start again. Is it selfish that that makes me feel loved? I hope someday I can live back home.

Can't We Just Hurry Up & Have Segregation Already?

Ugh. I think boys and girls should be separated from birth. They can let all the boys grow together and fulfill all their manly testosterone needs while the girls can get along happily not knowing what they're missing. Then, when we're all maturized, they can let us mingle. That way, nobody's stupid or hurtful or piggish or petty or just plain annoying. All would be understood. I think this would help solve lots of society's/individual's problems. At least, just thinking of this theory helps mine.

Tuba-ing in Real Life

That Verge of Sleep and Waking

I know when I lay down to go to bed, it's really the only time of the day that I have to focus completely and freely on whatever I need to think about without feeling guilty. I think a lot, but most of the time I'm supposed to be thinking about something else when I'm thinking about whatever I want, so lying in bed is my only free time. What do people think about when they lie down at night? Is it a somebody, or planning for the day tomorrow? Is it a worry or a smile that puts them to sleep at night? What do they think about on those nights where you can't even keep your eyes closed, you're so awake? I guess it's good we can't read minds, because I think those moments between lying down and sleeping would reveal a lot about a person.

Inaugebration

Pandora to Pass the Time

So, fun times, I opened my recently created Pandora to serenade me as I blogged. As each of these 5 songs played, I wrote just a little on whatever the title inspired me. It was cool to write again, no matter how little...


1. A Dark Congregation - [the Hush Sound]

Charlotte quietly opened the door of the chapel. She looked around, stepped in, and froze. The door swung shut behind her, in desperate need of some WD40. She cringed as it squeaked and silently shuffled to a stop. Was it her imagination, or did the blackened chapel just seem wrong? She half expected some man creeper to be sitting in a pew, praying (or would it preying?) like she'd seen so often in the movies.

2. Everybody Glows - [Randall Bramblett]

Looking down the road, everybody was doing it. Everybody was with somebody. Everybody had that glow of happiness about them. Raelyn sighed, scuffed her Rocket Dogs in the dirt, turned away from the Glowing People of Joy and started off towards home. Alone. She hoped no one saw her; actually, she expected that to be the case... but alas, someone had seen her. He looked over; to him, her glow only increased as he smiled at her. Not that she could see him, but he hoped that she would someday realize.

3. So Much Love - [the Rocket Summer]

Why couldn't she just hate her? Honestly. Hating wasn't that hard, was it? She had everything; the hair, the friends, the clothes, the grades... the epitome of hateness. If there was anyone on this planet to hate, Reese would be it. So why couldn't she hate her? Okay, maybe not even hate... just loathe? Dislike? Avoid, at least? Please, said Kia, looking up at the sky, please, just let me feel like normal people do. Loving is harder than you thought.

4. Voices - [Justin Lanning]

She couldn't turn them off - everywhere she went, she heard the girl the boy walking by was talking to on the phone. She heard the mom worrying about the girl she was walking next to to the Testing Center. She heard the curiosity of old schoolmates about a pair of twins she passed. She tried to keep her eyes down, so she wouldn't look at anybody and then hear what anyone in the world was thinking about them at that moment... so when she saw him, it was a relief. Or, after a moment, it really wasn't. It bothered her. Why didn't she hear anything when she looked at him? How sad it must be to not have anyone thinking about you...

5. I'll Run - [The Cab]

"I'll run." She whispered, tears dripping down her face. His hands clamped around her arms didn't allow her to wipe her face dry; but the tear tracks only added to the image of her stand. "Finn, please, let me go. Have faith." She choked out the last words, turning her head away from him. Finn gripped her arms tighter, then pulled her close. She felt his tears fall to her head, and she hugged him tightly for the last time... so tightly. "Have faith." She repeated hoarsely. "You too." Finn whispered back.

Golly, This World is Small

#1. Me --> Rachel, whom l I met looking at the map of the ESC to find our PS100 Lab Room --> Kylee, a girl in Rachel's ward also randomly taking our same lab --> both Rachel and Kaylee live in Chipman --> Kylee's roommate is from Virginia, too --> Kylee's roommate ends up being the girl from my old stake I see around here all the time. SO WEIRD.

#2. Me --> taking Stats 221 with my sister, Megan --> one of Megan's friends, Lydia also signs up for the class --> I meet Lydia on Monday, her first day of class --> today in my Hist 202 class I see someone that looks like Lydia turning in our paper --> it's Lydia. SO INSANE!

Home

What constitutes a home? Before I came to college, I always thought I'd know Virginia was home, and college would just be like a vacation or an extended trip. But now that I'm here and I've been back Home, I felt bad referring to BYU as "home", but I realized that BYU has become my home as well. I remember one time at Youth Conference, we were divided up into "families" and assigned a couple from the stake as our "parents". Everyone else immediately started calling them "Mom" & "Dad", but I was always never into that type of thing. I had friends at home who called other friends' moms "Mom" too... like "Momma Carwile" and "Momma Betty" and stuff, and I thought that was so inappropriate. But for some reason, it just felt natural after a couple days at YC to call my groupleaders "Mom" & "Dad". They were so kind, and I loved them. Then when I came to BYU, it again felt comfortable to call my FHE leaders "Mom" & "Dad". I don't know if I should be happy about that, because I've heard we're not supposed to do so.... I don't know. And then today I had to go upstairs to the 3200 floor to use their bathroom, because cleaning time always happens to dawn right when I return home from the morning's classes... it was my first time doing that, I usually hate doing stuff like that, I think it's weird, so I just wait, but I couldn't today. Right when I got upstairs, I just got this weird feeling... like it wasn't home. It was set up the exact same as our 2200 hall, but it wasn't mine. It wasn't home.

So my question is... am I just becoming a lazy person succumbing to the trends of society, calling people "Mom" & "Dad" left and right, and throwing "home" out with no thought of where it lands, or am I just realizing a different definition of these terms? Do "Mom" & "Dad" mean people that you love and have taught and advised you, or just the people that gave life to you? Does "home" mean where you are comfortable and loved, or just the building in which you spent most of your life?

The Human Predicament

I had American Heritage today, and tonight I ended up reading quite a bit in preparation for my first AH lab tomorrow afternoon. We talked about "The Human Predicament" and how it conflicted with the American ideals that have been present since our nation's founding. I never really sat down and thought about why American government is still better than many others throughout the world... even though everybody knocks it and says the Constitution is some decaying piece of parchment some old fogies wrote hundreds of years ago and that the government is getting too much power and they don't care about the people anymore, etc. etc. We are basically happy and provided for, which is so much more than many other countries are getting, even today. I mean, I knew, of course, that there were lots of uprisings and anarchies and civil wars and stuff in the world, but I guess I always just thought of those things as old-fashioned and ancient happenings instead of the killers of millions of today's modern people.

Which made me think about what perhaps might be the American "Human Predicament". It doesn't seem to me that we are stuck in the cycle of tyranny, anarchy, and civil war that this idea was characterized by in our book... so I thought. I think our dilemma is coming to terms with what we expect and what we really get. The American Dream is a fabulous thought; but so is the Great American Novel and the Perfect Mormon Family. With access to so much media influences each and every day, I think we are being inundated with goodness. Not that I'm a pessimist; I guess I'm just scared about being too much of an optimist, so much so to become an idealist or something. I'm all for goodness; I just wish it was all true and happened to the normal people, too.