Tuba-ing in Real Life

That Verge of Sleep and Waking

I know when I lay down to go to bed, it's really the only time of the day that I have to focus completely and freely on whatever I need to think about without feeling guilty. I think a lot, but most of the time I'm supposed to be thinking about something else when I'm thinking about whatever I want, so lying in bed is my only free time. What do people think about when they lie down at night? Is it a somebody, or planning for the day tomorrow? Is it a worry or a smile that puts them to sleep at night? What do they think about on those nights where you can't even keep your eyes closed, you're so awake? I guess it's good we can't read minds, because I think those moments between lying down and sleeping would reveal a lot about a person.

Inaugebration

Pandora to Pass the Time

So, fun times, I opened my recently created Pandora to serenade me as I blogged. As each of these 5 songs played, I wrote just a little on whatever the title inspired me. It was cool to write again, no matter how little...


1. A Dark Congregation - [the Hush Sound]

Charlotte quietly opened the door of the chapel. She looked around, stepped in, and froze. The door swung shut behind her, in desperate need of some WD40. She cringed as it squeaked and silently shuffled to a stop. Was it her imagination, or did the blackened chapel just seem wrong? She half expected some man creeper to be sitting in a pew, praying (or would it preying?) like she'd seen so often in the movies.

2. Everybody Glows - [Randall Bramblett]

Looking down the road, everybody was doing it. Everybody was with somebody. Everybody had that glow of happiness about them. Raelyn sighed, scuffed her Rocket Dogs in the dirt, turned away from the Glowing People of Joy and started off towards home. Alone. She hoped no one saw her; actually, she expected that to be the case... but alas, someone had seen her. He looked over; to him, her glow only increased as he smiled at her. Not that she could see him, but he hoped that she would someday realize.

3. So Much Love - [the Rocket Summer]

Why couldn't she just hate her? Honestly. Hating wasn't that hard, was it? She had everything; the hair, the friends, the clothes, the grades... the epitome of hateness. If there was anyone on this planet to hate, Reese would be it. So why couldn't she hate her? Okay, maybe not even hate... just loathe? Dislike? Avoid, at least? Please, said Kia, looking up at the sky, please, just let me feel like normal people do. Loving is harder than you thought.

4. Voices - [Justin Lanning]

She couldn't turn them off - everywhere she went, she heard the girl the boy walking by was talking to on the phone. She heard the mom worrying about the girl she was walking next to to the Testing Center. She heard the curiosity of old schoolmates about a pair of twins she passed. She tried to keep her eyes down, so she wouldn't look at anybody and then hear what anyone in the world was thinking about them at that moment... so when she saw him, it was a relief. Or, after a moment, it really wasn't. It bothered her. Why didn't she hear anything when she looked at him? How sad it must be to not have anyone thinking about you...

5. I'll Run - [The Cab]

"I'll run." She whispered, tears dripping down her face. His hands clamped around her arms didn't allow her to wipe her face dry; but the tear tracks only added to the image of her stand. "Finn, please, let me go. Have faith." She choked out the last words, turning her head away from him. Finn gripped her arms tighter, then pulled her close. She felt his tears fall to her head, and she hugged him tightly for the last time... so tightly. "Have faith." She repeated hoarsely. "You too." Finn whispered back.

Golly, This World is Small

#1. Me --> Rachel, whom l I met looking at the map of the ESC to find our PS100 Lab Room --> Kylee, a girl in Rachel's ward also randomly taking our same lab --> both Rachel and Kaylee live in Chipman --> Kylee's roommate is from Virginia, too --> Kylee's roommate ends up being the girl from my old stake I see around here all the time. SO WEIRD.

#2. Me --> taking Stats 221 with my sister, Megan --> one of Megan's friends, Lydia also signs up for the class --> I meet Lydia on Monday, her first day of class --> today in my Hist 202 class I see someone that looks like Lydia turning in our paper --> it's Lydia. SO INSANE!

Home

What constitutes a home? Before I came to college, I always thought I'd know Virginia was home, and college would just be like a vacation or an extended trip. But now that I'm here and I've been back Home, I felt bad referring to BYU as "home", but I realized that BYU has become my home as well. I remember one time at Youth Conference, we were divided up into "families" and assigned a couple from the stake as our "parents". Everyone else immediately started calling them "Mom" & "Dad", but I was always never into that type of thing. I had friends at home who called other friends' moms "Mom" too... like "Momma Carwile" and "Momma Betty" and stuff, and I thought that was so inappropriate. But for some reason, it just felt natural after a couple days at YC to call my groupleaders "Mom" & "Dad". They were so kind, and I loved them. Then when I came to BYU, it again felt comfortable to call my FHE leaders "Mom" & "Dad". I don't know if I should be happy about that, because I've heard we're not supposed to do so.... I don't know. And then today I had to go upstairs to the 3200 floor to use their bathroom, because cleaning time always happens to dawn right when I return home from the morning's classes... it was my first time doing that, I usually hate doing stuff like that, I think it's weird, so I just wait, but I couldn't today. Right when I got upstairs, I just got this weird feeling... like it wasn't home. It was set up the exact same as our 2200 hall, but it wasn't mine. It wasn't home.

So my question is... am I just becoming a lazy person succumbing to the trends of society, calling people "Mom" & "Dad" left and right, and throwing "home" out with no thought of where it lands, or am I just realizing a different definition of these terms? Do "Mom" & "Dad" mean people that you love and have taught and advised you, or just the people that gave life to you? Does "home" mean where you are comfortable and loved, or just the building in which you spent most of your life?

The Human Predicament

I had American Heritage today, and tonight I ended up reading quite a bit in preparation for my first AH lab tomorrow afternoon. We talked about "The Human Predicament" and how it conflicted with the American ideals that have been present since our nation's founding. I never really sat down and thought about why American government is still better than many others throughout the world... even though everybody knocks it and says the Constitution is some decaying piece of parchment some old fogies wrote hundreds of years ago and that the government is getting too much power and they don't care about the people anymore, etc. etc. We are basically happy and provided for, which is so much more than many other countries are getting, even today. I mean, I knew, of course, that there were lots of uprisings and anarchies and civil wars and stuff in the world, but I guess I always just thought of those things as old-fashioned and ancient happenings instead of the killers of millions of today's modern people.

Which made me think about what perhaps might be the American "Human Predicament". It doesn't seem to me that we are stuck in the cycle of tyranny, anarchy, and civil war that this idea was characterized by in our book... so I thought. I think our dilemma is coming to terms with what we expect and what we really get. The American Dream is a fabulous thought; but so is the Great American Novel and the Perfect Mormon Family. With access to so much media influences each and every day, I think we are being inundated with goodness. Not that I'm a pessimist; I guess I'm just scared about being too much of an optimist, so much so to become an idealist or something. I'm all for goodness; I just wish it was all true and happened to the normal people, too.

Today, I Saw You

I can't remember how I spent all my other New Year's Days, but I think today went exceptionally well. Mom and I saw Twilight, we shopped but I used wise restraint (which, guess what, my sister just broke one of the things I wisely bought today, of course), we had a roast for dinner, and I saw Kyle & Greg. For everyone else, I planned to hang out with them doing an activity, but we knew that just catching up with each other would be enough for the three of us. And sure enough, we talked for an hour past the time they were supposed to leave. Well, mostly Kyle talked, but I loved listening. He apologized later, but that's exactly what I missed about him. We had a hard time at the end of my senior year, but I think the time apart has done us both some good, and we've both become wiser in hindsight. It was SO GOOD to see them again... it was just like old times, when it was always the three of us. Golly, they're such awesome people. Somehow I always find the awesome ones. I guess somebody loves me up there =). Thank goodness.

Question of the Week

I don't know. And when everybody asks it just makes me feel even more dumb for having to admit that I liked him but yet again, the hilary magnetic force field repels the formation of a deep relationship. I wish I could just fast forward into the future... even for just a second, just to get a glimpse of me married, so then I'd know for sure... but I guess that's what a patriarchal blessing is for.

I think home will be a nice change.

So I'm in a Missing People Mood

To Whom it May Concern:

I miss you.


Jeremy: You were always so happy to see me... your smile is so big (as evidenced by this picture). You entertained me so many times, like at All-State and District Band, Busch Gardens... you are so nice to people. And you own at the french horn.



JoAnna: You were SO NICE to me. Even though we were so different, you always laughed at my jokes and made my life 10 times funnier. We agree, you understand me, and you got my back.

Jillian: Times in J-lizm were SO much better with you right there beside me. We both got frustrated together, flipped out about the same things, and even though you're much more girly than I was, times were good. I miss your excitement, your happiness, and sharing opinions on a different level.


Kevin: You were so confident! You could take on anything, but you always said hey to me even though we were more old friends. I'm really glad we could be aides together senior year.

Ryan: I always liked you. You were the nicest person I knew at home. You were always so sweet and considerate to everyone, but had fun and knew how to do things, too. I miss just having your personality next door to the guidance office.

Caitlin: I am so glad we got to hang out together in guidance even after you dropped Music Theory. You are SUCH an amazing person! I miss your talent, your humility, your humor, and your general goodness to everybody. I know you are doing fantabulous things in NYC.



Mr. Flohre: I miss just being able to go to your office whenever I need a break. And you always knew just what to say; either everything, just anything, or nothing.


Nick-NAC: I miss seeing you every day and slightly embarrassing you when I said hello. I miss giving you nicknames and you liking them. I miss making fun of you with Chris, and you stealing my sunglasses. I'm so glad I "discovered" you and Stephen your freshmen year in band.

SACbut: I miss just saying your name... haha. But I also miss you poking me every time you see me and asking if it annoyed me. Sometimes it did, but now I wish I had you to say hi to me every day. I miss being able to joke around with you.


Andrew: I miss being able to hear about your day and then joking on you for complaining about it all the time. I miss sitting in Flohre's office every morning and starting off the day right. I miss eating at Panera whenever we felt like it, and you filling me in on everything newsy I needed to know. I miss seeing you every day.


Jordan: Even though you weren't at home last year, I still miss your excitement. I miss you singing the opening lines from "Hilary: The Musicale" every time I see you, and you always insisting we go out for coffee even though you know I'd really be getting hot chocolate.


Greg: I miss you bunches. Even though you made fun of me... pretty much every day of my life. I kind of miss it when you do it, because you think you're hilarious, even if the joke wasn't, which actually makes the joke hilarious. Which made me not that mad about it. I miss your humor, your funny observations, and your wicked guitar skills that you pretended you didn't have.

Lorraine: I miss your nearness, and your willingness to be there when I needed you. I miss your been-there-done-that advice, and your relentless encouragement. I miss your best friendship.

Rachel: I miss seeing you every day, because we got to be awesome. I miss having someone to share long-haired life with, and someone to make fun of kyle and greg with that was older then them so they'd actually kind of somewhat listen. Ok, maybe not, but we tried. I also miss having a girl in the low brass section, so we could sympathize at the stupidity of the low brass boys together.


Todd: I miss your amazing insight on everything from life to me to the sky to the color purple. I miss your casual attitude and your whole "just take life as it comes" thing going on. I also miss your hand motions. And your foibles. Todd & Chris-isms used to make my days funnier.

Chris: I miss your relentless making fun of me, that you pretended was serious. But also sitting next to you in almost every class and being able to laugh the WHOLE class period at the stupidest things together. And you actually knew things, even though you pretended or thought you didn't. I miss seeing your potential.




Tori: I MISS YOU A LOT. =( You understood, you supported me, and made things all right.


Kyle: Gosh, there are so many things. I guess it just boils down to I miss you a lot, too. I'm sorry.


The Young Women: You made being the only old person all right. It was weird, but you guys were super fun. I miss Claire's pure kindness and Carrie's raised eyebrows at immaturity and Molly's ability to laugh and make a big deal out of anything. Young Women's was fun times, guys, and I hope you realize that.


Matt: Even though you always made fun of us, I knew you liked us, and that's all that mattered. I miss your charisma and watching you work with the SODA kids. I miss riding in your messed up old truck but thinking I was something cool. I miss Ring Dance with you, and the gentleman you became just for me that night.


Matt: I miss your hilariousness. And your stupidity that I could laugh at. And your bear hugs. And your cuteness. And your willingness to subject to whatever Tori & I wanted to do to you. And your mad awesome trumpet skills that you knew you had but pretended to be humble about. That was the funniest part.

Stephen: I miss your jokes and your smile and hello you always had ready. I miss watching you lead people but then be friends with them afterwards. I miss watching you and Matt pick on each other all the time. And you trying to get out of the band officers meetings, even though you were really cool about it and actually helped us get things done. You did things even though you sometimes made it seem you were too cool for them... which I guess is a really great talent. You kept up your cred but also helped people do some really nice things.


Mandy: I miss your sweet kindness and your consent to let me laze around and have the best job ever. I miss having another big sister around.


Mason: I miss your hilarious and sometimes rude but mostly accurate observations of people. I miss sitting next to you every day in band class and getting to make fun of people together and then make fun of you a lot, too.


Christy: I miss being able to roll my eyes at your pessimism and exotic answers to even the smallest of life's questions. I miss your intelligence but then also your romanticism.


Becca: I miss your positivity and our making fun of boys sessions. I miss your drama queenhood and smiling to myself about when I used to be young.

Elizabeth: I miss your PURE AWESOMENESS!!! You are the cutest/nicest person ever on the face of the planet. I miss sitting around in the office with you, making fun of the boys. You are so smart!


Jacob: I miss your insane hilarity and how you could get away with murder as long as you smiled like you do. I miss your plans to build the Hilary Shrine and the chance to sit in the office every morning with you and catch up on just the fun stuff. I love your insanely unfair cuteness factor and your willingness to perform in the school plays... just your aura gives off funness and smiles. And that may sound silly, but it does. Somehow.