I love Tuesdays, because these are the days I get to fulfill my secret wish to watch the Bachelorette episode online from Monday night. But geez. I don't remember this much weirdness at the beginnings of any other season I've watched. (Please excuse me, as we are now entering Girlville).
STAYING
Brad - Something about him just makes me think CREEPER. He was really into that whole "I'm the brain, Wes is an idiot" thing (which I don't like Wes either, but come on now). His smile is creepy. I wish he was going home.
David - Really? I hope he explodes in front of Jillian one time so she can see how epically angry he is. Swearing is just not attractive, and I think it's really hilarious that Juan can incite so much conversation from him (he's not even talking about Jillian anymore). He just can't get past him. GET OVER IT & GET OUT.
Ed - Yay!!!!!!!! What a cutie!!! I am so excited to see their one-on-one date next week. He's mature, reasonable, and not ugly. Woohoo! I want to know more about him!
Jake - YAY!!!! I was so psyched he got the one-on-one this week. I think he is fabulous (and just so everyone knows, I totally thought so the premiere episode too, haha). The date seemed to go great, he was totally cute and kind and gentlemanly (except that surprise kiss... I still can't decide if that was ok or not). I hope he goes all the way. !!
Jesse - I don't remember anything about him. I think this is a sign.
Juan - Ok, I don't really understand what the big deal is. I mean, I *guess* I can see how some guys would have an issue with him (though no excuses for the size of Dave's issue with him), but I kindof like him. I think he's a cutie, and the fact that he's older only shows that he's in it for reals. I don't think that because he's not the manliest man on the planet is necessarily a bad thing... Argh. Usually I'm good at suspecting those fake woman-eaters, but I can't tell this time.
Kiptyn - I thought he was nice, but nothing amazing, especially when Jillian said she didn't even care what they said, she just wanted to make out with him. Um, NO. You are not looking for a NCMO, you are looking for a soulmate. Yes, he's a nice guy, but she better nip this in the bud before it turns into one of those Graham things from DeAnna's season. So sorry, Kippy, but you need to go.
Mark - Who are you? When Jillian called your name, I didn't even recognize you when you walked down to get the rose.
Michael - Not my absolute favorite, but I think he's a nice guy, even if he is a little exuberant and perhaps not the most mature or in control of himself. I think he's mostly funny, so I hope he sticks around.
Mike - Ok yeah, that whole Speedo thing seemed totally out of character for you. But that's cool, you got more than one side. I can handle that. Not my cup of tea, but we'll see with you. P.S. Not to be rude, but I think you are a better looking version of Julien, so I am glad he went home because at first I thought you were the same person, but now I've realized you are not.
Reid - Aww!!! I think he's cute, and boyish. Plus he's my sign (ok, that really has nothing to do with this). I didn't know who you were, but I'm excited to see a little bit more of you. Maybe Jillian will do something special for your birthday...
Robby - That toothpicking thing was pure skill, and I'm proud he handled that whole Wes-is-a-jerk thing really well. I'm also proud of Jillian for keeping him around, and I hope you do more awesome things in the future.
Sasha - This episode he just seemed to be chilling. So I'm glad next one he will have a one-on-one to really show his stuff. He seems nice, though.
Tanner F. - Who are you and what did you do this episode?
Tanner P. - He actually looks like Graham, I think. And while I think the foot fetish thing IS weird, it's not a big deal. Like, you can get over that. It was uncomfortable when he picked up Jillian's feet and started talking about them, but other than that one slip-up I think he's an ok guy.
Wes - EW. OH MY GOSH GET AWAY NOW. You are so annoying and rude and I don't think you are even attractive. You should leave. Now.
GOING HOME
Brian - I'm glad Jillian has sense somewhere. Goodbye, fool.
Julien - I mean, he was ok, but as I said about Mike, I'm glad one of them went home so I could tell them apart. Sorry it had to be you, J-man.
Mathue - Ok, that was kindof sad. I don't feel like he was really huge or anything, but it was touching and cute when he was sad during his exit interview. He'll find a good girl.
Simon - I feel bad, but I'm glad he realized the benefits of leaving now instead of later if it wasn't for reals. He was a nice guy. And had an English accent, which is always a plus.
Till next week! (Go Ed!!)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Anchors Aweigh
Tonight I went to a concert/musicale thing my friend Mandy was in at her church. It was celebrating freedom and America and all that goodness (though I am still confused as to why it was not placed closer to the Fourth of July.... whatev), and though I thought they overdid the "please-stand-if-you-are-a-veteran-or-currently-in-the-armed-forces-so-we-can-totally-applaud-you-for-the-tenth-time" thing (I felt bad for all those WWII vets who had to keep standing and sitting back down, etc. etc.), I think the idea was touching. I kept thinking of Justin, my friend at the Naval Academy, and I couldn't stop thinking about how dang proud I am of him. I mean, I'm proud of all people brave enough to enlist to protect our country, but I am especially proud of Justin, because I know who he is, where he's come from, and where he is capable of going. The army is anything but easy, and I am so thankful there's somebody out there who feels inspired to serve the rest of us. If the army had to rely on total wimps like me, our country would be going nowhere fast. But for Justin (and everyone else!) to volunteer their lives to protect the rest of ours', to work hard when I am sleeping in late, and sacrifice when I am complaining about something lame is so inspiring. Because of Justin I feel a special affinity for the Navy, but I am glad there are others around to remind me to be thankful for what I have and those who have worked to get it for me. Thank goodness.
P.S. I got it now. It's for Memorial Day. It took me a year to realize that.
P.S. I got it now. It's for Memorial Day. It took me a year to realize that.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Warning: Selfishness About to Ensue
Don't feel like you have to read this; you will probably think I'm a lot more self-absorbed than I hope I really am if you actually do, so feel free to skim right over it. I just needed to think it out.
It's that time of year again where all my friends still in HS are deciding where they're headed and finding out what scholarships they've gotten and stuff. I just feel... dumb this time of year. BYU was the only school I applied to, and my acceptance was practically assured to everyone except myself in my doubting moments. (Sorry, I guess that was obvious since it's the only place I applied.) I was happy and grateful for the scholarship I received, having gotten the lowest possible GPA to receive the scholarship I'd been planning on/hoping for (according to that matrix thing with GPA & ACT score). But I couldn't help thinking that if I just went to a school around home, I would have gotten more scholarship money and maybe not have had to take out a student loan like I did at the end of winter semester. It's just... I was 6th in my class here in HS, and I *know* that many of my friends and others in my class who stayed around here got totally full ride with benefits scholarships, but they had lower GPAs then I did and stuff.... sigh. People at BYU are so good and smart and talented and beautiful and amazing. I know it's the place I need to be... And money is just paper I suppose. An education will be worth it. And I am thankful that BYU doesn't cost nearly as much as other schools in the first place, and for the scholarships I was able to get anyways. It's just... when friends tell me they got full rides, etc. etc., I feel like people expected me to get one of those, too. How can I explain that BYU is just so dang stuffed with smart people?
It's that time of year again where all my friends still in HS are deciding where they're headed and finding out what scholarships they've gotten and stuff. I just feel... dumb this time of year. BYU was the only school I applied to, and my acceptance was practically assured to everyone except myself in my doubting moments. (Sorry, I guess that was obvious since it's the only place I applied.) I was happy and grateful for the scholarship I received, having gotten the lowest possible GPA to receive the scholarship I'd been planning on/hoping for (according to that matrix thing with GPA & ACT score). But I couldn't help thinking that if I just went to a school around home, I would have gotten more scholarship money and maybe not have had to take out a student loan like I did at the end of winter semester. It's just... I was 6th in my class here in HS, and I *know* that many of my friends and others in my class who stayed around here got totally full ride with benefits scholarships, but they had lower GPAs then I did and stuff.... sigh. People at BYU are so good and smart and talented and beautiful and amazing. I know it's the place I need to be... And money is just paper I suppose. An education will be worth it. And I am thankful that BYU doesn't cost nearly as much as other schools in the first place, and for the scholarships I was able to get anyways. It's just... when friends tell me they got full rides, etc. etc., I feel like people expected me to get one of those, too. How can I explain that BYU is just so dang stuffed with smart people?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
the Name of the Game
I was talking with a friend today (ok, more like I was listening to a friend today), and I just kept thinking about how much this person was blaming everyone and everything else other than themself for their issues and problems and hard times.... i.e. I blame my friends for not understanding how I feel, I blame her for thinking too much about herself and not being attentive to my needs, I blame my teacher for not listening to me, I blame my pastor for being a normal man, I blame what happened for my current problems. I mean, I feel so bad for this friend, because they have been through so many terrible and awful things; I understand that. Listening to them has just made me realize how much the gospel really does play a part in my life... I mean, I know I can blame people unreasonably a lot, too, but I just feel the comfort that if I or when I have to go through something big like that, I can understand it, through Heavenly Father. I can forgive and move on. I think my friend was right when they said they would never be able to forget or get that part of their soul back, but I find comfort in knowing that through Christ, I will be able to forgive, love, and grow again.
Other people may not understand what they've gone through; I don't understand the depths of all that this person has had to endure, but I feel we need to act hoping people will treat us kindly and with love and respect, but prepared for the possibility that they will not be, and will be normal, fallible, sometimes disappointing or annoying human beings. I know that I myself am one of the most normal, fallible, disappointing, and annoying human beings around some days. But I hope people begin to realize I am trying to change that. I hope my friend will have faith not only in the Lord, but in the people around them; that they are beautiful and good people at heart and they are trying their best. Sometimes other people's best doesn't seem good enough for us, but I have to remember that it is good enough for our Heavenly Father. It is days like this that truly make me realize that the Lord knows what he's doing when he brings two people together. I have so much to learn.
Other people may not understand what they've gone through; I don't understand the depths of all that this person has had to endure, but I feel we need to act hoping people will treat us kindly and with love and respect, but prepared for the possibility that they will not be, and will be normal, fallible, sometimes disappointing or annoying human beings. I know that I myself am one of the most normal, fallible, disappointing, and annoying human beings around some days. But I hope people begin to realize I am trying to change that. I hope my friend will have faith not only in the Lord, but in the people around them; that they are beautiful and good people at heart and they are trying their best. Sometimes other people's best doesn't seem good enough for us, but I have to remember that it is good enough for our Heavenly Father. It is days like this that truly make me realize that the Lord knows what he's doing when he brings two people together. I have so much to learn.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Little Hilarys
I was just talking with Mandy (my friend/employer) the other day about being a mom. She is 30 and wants to be a mom so badly, but she's not married yet. I remembered that when I was here and in high school, many of my friends thought babies were gross and disgusting and were planning on not having children. What a waste!!! Mandy was talking about adopting, but we both agreed we'd like to at least try and have our own first. I just think it would be so cool to see your personality in your kids... like, you are truly a part of someone else. What a great experience motherhood will be. I just feel weird that my time might come about the time Mandy's will... and I'm more than 10 years younger than her. I hope I don't have to wait until I'm past 30! =\
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My Life Cornerstone
This past Sunday was my first back in "Old Lady" Relief Society, as last week I was swept out to accompany the joyous primary children, as per my last summer's calling. (Actually, now that I think about it, I probably went to RS only like once after I graduated last summer as a result of that calling, too.) I immediately took a liking to these ladies when I realized they had remembered to place my birthday on the May newsletter. That's right. But what I also found on the newsletter I found very inspiring:
"Each of us has a cornerstone box within our hearts, and as we go through life, we put things into that box... At one point after this life, we are going to open that cornerstone box in front of our Savior, in front of our Maker. Hopefully, it will not empty." (President Rodolfo C. Franco)
Temple President Franco said this at the Draper Temple Dedication, which I was even there for (but admittedly dozing off). But what a scary thought... that the box that is the cornerstone of our lives, what we have built everything on, might be empty when we open it in front of the Savior. I think of it like all my life's greatest achievements will be placed in my cornerstone box; but if they are not the kind of achievements that make me a better and more Christlike person, my box will be embarrassingly empty when I open it, intending to impress the Savior.
Wow.
So, to help me visualize the deepness of this quote, I made my own cornerstone box. I stayed up late and made it that very night. I haven't put anything into it yet, but I have some ideas. I can't just throw things into the box; this is my eternal progression we're talking about.
"Each of us has a cornerstone box within our hearts, and as we go through life, we put things into that box... At one point after this life, we are going to open that cornerstone box in front of our Savior, in front of our Maker. Hopefully, it will not empty." (President Rodolfo C. Franco)
Temple President Franco said this at the Draper Temple Dedication, which I was even there for (but admittedly dozing off). But what a scary thought... that the box that is the cornerstone of our lives, what we have built everything on, might be empty when we open it in front of the Savior. I think of it like all my life's greatest achievements will be placed in my cornerstone box; but if they are not the kind of achievements that make me a better and more Christlike person, my box will be embarrassingly empty when I open it, intending to impress the Savior.
Wow.
So, to help me visualize the deepness of this quote, I made my own cornerstone box. I stayed up late and made it that very night. I haven't put anything into it yet, but I have some ideas. I can't just throw things into the box; this is my eternal progression we're talking about.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Beginning Life Crisis
I went to the Virginia Holocaust Museum with my friend/employer Mandy last Thursday to watch a play put on by my old MS about children of the Holocaust. I had the opportunity to walk through a bit of the displays before the play began, and since then I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do when I grow up. For the first time I'm having doubts about teaching history; I'm seriously considering becoming a museum curator or assistant or exhibit designer or something cool like that. Do they even get decent salaries?
I looked into what degrees would help with that from BYU. They have an Art History & Curatorial Studies minor, but I could care less about art history (although working in an art museum would be ok...), and it requires 2 world civilization classes which I have already taken, but from a different department. So I am kind of bummed on that, and currently debating if it would be worth it to take the 2 new civ classes to get the minor.
Why I don't I just start my own museum? How insanely cool would that be? (And also very hard, I suppose... dang.) But I've been picturing myself more and more in a museum instead of the classroom. I think a History Teaching major will still be beneficial in getting a museum job, though. Guess this summer will be for praying to figure out what should happen.... I'm off to look for museum internships through BYU.
I looked into what degrees would help with that from BYU. They have an Art History & Curatorial Studies minor, but I could care less about art history (although working in an art museum would be ok...), and it requires 2 world civilization classes which I have already taken, but from a different department. So I am kind of bummed on that, and currently debating if it would be worth it to take the 2 new civ classes to get the minor.
Why I don't I just start my own museum? How insanely cool would that be? (And also very hard, I suppose... dang.) But I've been picturing myself more and more in a museum instead of the classroom. I think a History Teaching major will still be beneficial in getting a museum job, though. Guess this summer will be for praying to figure out what should happen.... I'm off to look for museum internships through BYU.
Look Where We Are Now
This time last year, the worst birthday of my life was about to commence. I am so glad I stayed awake in those wee hours of the morning to write everything down in my journal from that night (a whole 15 pages full of tears, question marks, angry capital letters, and relatively very few smiley faces). Although most of it's just funny to read through now, I can remember how low and hurt I felt.
What made me really think about then and now was when Claire handed me a platter of beautiful homemade chocolate chip cookies drizzled in chocolate and each topped with an "H" at church today. Last year, when I arrived home after 1AM from the cast party of doom, cookies like these were waiting on our porch. Those cookies, and a phone call from Claire's mom (then my seminary teacher) about how much they loved the play and to wish me a happy birthday made me burst into fresh tears. When people are so nice after other people are so mean, the juxtaposition just does wonders on my tear glands.
This is the first year that I really feel like I have moved somewhere; that I have become someone different since my last birthday. Returning home after my first year at the Y makes me feel so much older than everyone I left behind; I thought all was going to be the same.
I'm glad some things aren't the same... the people I felt hurt me last birthday are this birthday once again some of my best friends. The things I felt drudged down in last birthday were catalysts for turning points in my life I can now look back on with a smile. The depths of despair I felt last birthday have provided the opposition for me to today appreciate the heights of my blessings and joys. I wouldn't be who I am today without that one day I turned 18. Though, here's to a hopefully less painful 19!
What made me really think about then and now was when Claire handed me a platter of beautiful homemade chocolate chip cookies drizzled in chocolate and each topped with an "H" at church today. Last year, when I arrived home after 1AM from the cast party of doom, cookies like these were waiting on our porch. Those cookies, and a phone call from Claire's mom (then my seminary teacher) about how much they loved the play and to wish me a happy birthday made me burst into fresh tears. When people are so nice after other people are so mean, the juxtaposition just does wonders on my tear glands.
This is the first year that I really feel like I have moved somewhere; that I have become someone different since my last birthday. Returning home after my first year at the Y makes me feel so much older than everyone I left behind; I thought all was going to be the same.
I'm glad some things aren't the same... the people I felt hurt me last birthday are this birthday once again some of my best friends. The things I felt drudged down in last birthday were catalysts for turning points in my life I can now look back on with a smile. The depths of despair I felt last birthday have provided the opposition for me to today appreciate the heights of my blessings and joys. I wouldn't be who I am today without that one day I turned 18. Though, here's to a hopefully less painful 19!
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