I feel like my relationship with Kyle has taken up a huge part of my life. If I have not written much about him here, know that he has taken up more journal pages than anything else combined. But I have long dwelt on the unhappiness and the unfairness of it all, much too long. Nowadays I prefer to focus on the happiness of our relationship, and what I learned from it. I am grateful beyond words for Kyle, but I am also grateful that our time together is over. He taught me a lot, but it is from others I must learn now.
From my journal, after my first trip home from college since graduating high school:
January 4, 2009
... I saw Kyle and Greg, which was so wonderful. I think we all really needed to see each other and be physically reassured of our forgiveness for each other. I am so grateful that our friendship and love for each other was strong enough to push through this.
Kyle said something jokingly about how I didn't really want to see him at the end of last year, and I didn't lie. I agreed. I didn't really want to see him. But I really did this break and I think it was so good. We apologized for our bad things. I thought it was interesting... he apologized for being really antagonistic instead of loving towards the end, and he said he thought it was because he just didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave either... was that it? Was that why it happened? It broke my heart. Maybe subconsciously we thought it'd be easier to leave each other if we didn't like each other and were rude.
Anyways, then he said he didn't realize how much he missed me until he saw me again... I think it was the same for me. I knew I missed him a bunch, but knowing we've forgiven each other makes me miss him again now.
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